Toronto New Condos

Finally, I am home! I have a lot of explaining to do, especially to my significant other who is on the verge of declaring herself  the ‘ex’.

I believe and allege that McGuinty or even  Harper are to blame for the situation I find myself in. I feel that I am living in some sort of conspiracy and any moment now I will revert to my normal life and all will be revealed

While I sat in an alleged cage, through no fault of my own, I kept on thinking how McGuinty brought us the  Ham Sandwich Tax, so that everything now costs and extra few dollars, so that corporations get their much needed tax relief. The last straw for me when I found out that he allegedly slipped in an emergency clause giving cops ‘ the power nod’  and that is how I found myself  in this  unreal situation.

If you live on Bay street, the condo lifestyle is great, but sometimes getting a quart of milk together with a pack of cigarettes can be a bit of a challenge, especially if you have to walk out of your way to purchase the cigs, to allow you to have an illegal puff, as officially you have  been an alleged ‘non-smoker’ for the past 8 months.

Anyway, my Bella sends me out for milk on Friday afternoon, and I rushed  down to Dundas and University, where there is a shop on the corner that sells my particular poison as well as milk,  and what happens….suddenly I found myself surrounded by Darth Vader groupies, peaceful protesters dressed in black, ninjas carrying 2X4′s – I guess some of these people were peaceful at heart but had violent intentions.

Next thing I know, these people in black uniforms attack the convenience store I am attempting to enter to purchase milk and stuff, there is lots of noise, broken glass, a young woman wearing purple tights and Celtic tattoos on her arms takes a swing at me with a toy AXE , I duck, the store owner , Kim Pak,  allegedly starts screaming for help and suddenly I am surrounded by baton wielding friendlies also dressed in black and sporting acrylic accessories, like tasers and plastic tie-things in place of handcuffs.

As I breathe a sigh of relief at being rescued from certain injury by Darth Vader and his cronies, and begin to thank my saviours, don’t I get a slap to the side of the head, a good baton thrust to the mid-section and before I know it I am wheezing and bundled into a van.

Well, I was innocent but it made no difference, McGuinty enjoying his deviousness at his hideaway in France someplace, or is that the other guy, Ignatieff,  Harper allegedly selling his fake lake and me having to while away my time on a solitary bench with the purportedly poor from Cleveland, whom I begin to suspect have a hidden agenda.

When they release me, my voicemail is full. I call Bella and tell her that I was abudcted and have proof. Should I  still buy milk? There is no answer and her phone clicks over to voicemail, Rogers the allegedly most reliable provider, fails me once again. I make a dash home with my newly issue police garbage bag.

There is no-one home and now I hear on the news that even the G-people have left. I call Bella again but she won’t answer. I leave a detailed message chronicling my arrest. I should have bought the cigs.

If anyone has video footage of me being allegedly assaulted outside Kim’s convenience store, please contact me as soon as possible.

I  need to get back into the lifestyle. Condo living has no bounds and remember whatever happens in Toronto is bound to be taxed.